Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
