i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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