69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
