Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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