I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Randomize
