trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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