We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
