i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
