Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
