I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
