I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
