the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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