if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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