this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
