Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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