she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
