whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
