I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
