thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
