your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
