Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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