Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
