Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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