My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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