I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize