She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
