no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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