Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
