I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
