What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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