if i can run in heels then i can drive
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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