you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Pants are for mortals
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
