she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
