Got a toothbrush?
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
