So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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