I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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