I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
