peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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