Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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