Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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