actually, I'm a sock model
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
