dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
