I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
