hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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