you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
