Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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