I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
