Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
