I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
