I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
