Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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