drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
