My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
