so that wasnt chicken after all
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
